I'm Sorry

So Mr. Perfect and I have had our hefty portion of ups and downs..... Several of those downs have been earth-shaking, traumatic, and bewildering at the very least. It's gotten deep a few times....to the point where one of us or both of us decided to call the whole thing off.

People break up. Every relationship is not meant to last forever. That's ok, and it's an integral part of the curriculum in the school of life. But this one...ahhh....this one, for me, has not been so easy to dismiss as a learning experience. No matter how deep the wound, and no matter how bruised our egos may become....We are here. Again. Together.

He makes me scratch my head. I've been in relationships before.... I was married for a long time, and mentioning that fact sort of brings on an intense feeling of nausea. Anyway, I was married to a "good" guy with a nasty case of douchebagarrhea. I use quotation marks around "good" because I did not particularly think that many things about him could be described as such, however it could've all been a matter of taste. I am positive that SOMEONE AMAZING will fall in love with his selfish, adolescent, alcoholic, and bi polar ways. Or perhaps not, because they won't know about those ways until they are very married and very pregnant. I kid, I kid. Sort of. SORRY GIRLS! I tried to help. So the thing was that I never really "got" my ex husband. Or maybe I did.....

Sometimes, when people do things that seem strange or bad from your perspective, it helps if you can understand their intention. When my ex committed all of his many crimes of the heart, I can truly say that I never forgave him, although I wanted to. I never forgave him because I never believed that his intentions were good. I always felt that deep down, he knew precisely what he was doing, and was sorrowful only for getting caught.

Mr. Perfect is altogether different. This makes for a curious case. You see, he is just. like. me.
Eh...this next sentence is going to be difficult for me to write because it leaves me open to getting slapped in the face with a big fat "WRONG!"....I'll do it anyway because this is what I believe. He doesn't mean to hurt me. Ok, I said it. Most (and I emphasize MOST) of the heartache that I've experienced courtesy of Mr. Perfect was not inflicted intentionally at all. He has zero interest in hurting me. It trashes his soul when he's made a boo boo. Well, either that or he's a gifted actor. BRILLZ! This key component is what makes it nearly impossible for me to remain angry. (Angry. Read as, "spinning my head and spewing pea soup") I can tell in his eyes that he really. didn't. mean. it.

This soooo keeps us together. I get to forgive him ALL THE WAY because I know that from him, "I'm sorry!" means "I didn't mean to hurt you. I feel terrible." NOT "Shit. She got me."

So here we are. Mr. and Mrs. Completely Imperfect. I'm not gonna leave him....And he probably shouldn't even attempt leaving me, because we both know that at the end of the day....we "get" each other. And if YOU really KNEW us, you'd see why just that, is an incredible feat.